A Confession: I Still Use Windows 3.1

Sometimes it's best to step into the cold, harsh light of truth on your own before it's thrust upon you. That's what I'm choosing to do now, as it's only a matter of time before someone exposes my secret.

I, Lance Ulanoff, the Editor-in-Chief of PC Magazine, still use Windows 3.1.

That's right. I use the 16-year-old Microsoft operating system every day and for everything. Now, don't misunderstand or underestimate the gravity of this confession.

Knowing what we do about , I don't think anyone would question my decision to steer clear of it in the workplace. Yet, many of you are surely questioning why and how I bypassed Windows 95, 98, 2000, NT, and XP. Put simply, I just did not see their benefits.

Windows 3.1 is a lovely, lightweight operating system, with a simple interface. PIF files reign supreme, and the Control Panel features a manageable 16 items. The 256-color operating system happily coexists with my 5.25- and 3.5-inch floppy disks and, more importantly, with my all-time favorite word processor, XyWrite III. The command-line software takes the old 80/20 usage rule and flips it on its head: I use 100 percent of XyWrite's features 100 percent of the time. Nothing compares.

By running Windows 3.1 for all these years, I've been able to stick with the same Compaq PC. It's a 33-MHz 486 with 16MB RAM and a 300-MB hard drive. I paid $4,799 for it in 1991 and have been using it at home and in the office (I throw it in a rolling piece of luggage every day) for 5,845 days. I hope to use it for another thousand more. It still runs like a dream, though I admit that it could use some body work.

My decision to run Windows 3.1 on my home and work desktops means that I have to be somewhat more creative than, say, someone running Windows XP. I've tried going online via EarthLink—CrossTalk didn't work—using my 9,600-baud MultiTech modem, but it's too slow to be useful. So, if I want to go online, edit photos, watch videos, listen to music more complicated than a beep, play any game other than solitaire, store files over a megabyte, or share files over a network, I have to borrow someone else's system. It's a bit of a pain, but no one in the lab seems to mind when I shove them off their bench chairs and try to jam one of my floppy disks into their PCs.

Lately, I've found that none of the other PCs in the office have 3.5-inch floppy disk drives, let alone slots for 5.25-inch disks. This makes it somewhat difficult to process my files, but I've found a solution: I compose my columns, reviews, and the like on Xywrite III and print them out on my Epson MX-80 dot matrix printer. Then I hand the printout to the nearest intern and ask him or her to type it into their PC and move the file along on the network. I've even been known to skip the PC entirely and have someone transcribe it.—

I Can Compute

I realize that you and others (actually, everyone in the office) may laugh at me, but no matter. My Windows 3.1 system never blue-screens, and it has never had a virus. How many of you can say that? And while you worry about scratching your CD and DVD storage discs, or finding a wireless connection in the office, my sealed floppy disks are almost indestructible, and I never need to look for a connection. If I can find power, I can compute.

Last week, a few of the senior editors on staff came into my office carrying a large burlap sack and some wooden clubs. The leader—let's call him Jeremy—threatened to throw me into the bag and beat me if I didn't give up Windows 3.1 for something new(er). One of the editors suggested that I switch to Mac. I told him that I had about two dozen low-density 3.5-inch Mac disks at home and would love to make the leap to a Mac SE30 box. I really don't remember much after that, except for the musky scent of burlap, the sensation of boot heels hitting my sides and head, and then darkness.

I'm not sure what all the fuss is about. At least I'm not still running DOS—except when I run XyWrite and the Pov-Ray 3D image-generation program I love.

So there you have it. I've finally told the truth about the technology I use. I would appreciate it, of course, if you didn't share this information with too many others. Imagine how it might look if folks knew that the EIC of the world's leading technology network used Windows 3.1. Let's just keep this our little secret. Okay?

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